This is the third article in a three-part series that explores life in the practice of law. The first article (The Practice Of Law Just Ain’t What It Used To Be) dealt with developing perspective and taking stock. The second segment (Taking Control and Making Right Decisions) addressed key issues related to effecting changes that will make a difference. This third and final segment (Getting Your Life Back) deals with key issues and tools to use when stress seems to be getting the better of us.

Getting Your Life Back

We all experience stress in our lives and practices and to a degree we thrive on it. It creates real highs when we shift into high gear and press through it to a great result; and if we understand it and manage it, we recognize that when we do the best we can it is okay when we don’t get the result we want. Herein lies the rub, do we manage it? How do we recognize it when we don’t and what can we do about it?

Stress is a good thing, to a degree, in that it is one of our alert systems that activates when we sense danger or concern about events that happen around us. Where it stops being good is when it automatically shifts our minds into negative or catastrophic thought patterns. In our world this is particularly damaging when it starts affecting our self-esteem. A good example comes to mind when we look at litigation. When we get an adverse ruling in a court case and we look at it catastrophically, we might immediately say this loss is my fault and start analyzing our case presentation to find fault and justification for our sense of guilt and responsibility leading us to conclude that we should immediately call our LPLI carrier. However, if we are managing the stress of the situation, our view of it, while still negative, would likely be this is a tough loss for our client. We presented the case the best way we could and the court simply didn’t buy it. We need to start looking at our appeal options so we can let the client make the decisions that need to be made right now. Stress management is all about the process of aligning four factors: the triggering event (adverse ruling); our belief about the cause of the event (our fault or we did our best); our response to the event based on our beliefs (negative or positive); and lastly our actions (call LPLI carrier and stew or work with the client to make decisions and file the appeal). The point is that perspective differs depending on how we respond to the stressor. It’s all about how we see (think about) things.

If you are in the positive group, you are probably not a perfectionist and accept the human dynamic that bad things happen to good people and then you move on. If you are in the negative group you believe that our best is not good enough unless we still win, and when you don’t you ruminate and begin to engage in catastrophic thinking which creates a downward spiral. No matter which group we fall into, there are several simple things we can do to keep or make our thoughts positive.

Understand What is Really Important to You. Remember that getting our actions in congruity with our values or beliefs bring congruity and contentment. It is really a matter of finding a balance between what we have to do (work, mowing the lawn, etc.) and what we want to do (recreate, spend time with family or friends) in such a way that we find contentment and minimize our guilt because we feel we should be doing more of one or the other.

Set Reasonable Expectations. When faced with tasks or responsibilities set attainable goals and communicate them to others (clients, friends or family) so that everybody is on the same page. As regards clients, don’t adopt their problems and make them yours.

Exercise regularly. A simple brisk walk for 45 minutes to an hour 3 times a week will keep the endorphins flowing within the brain and allow the 3 positives to be more easily recognized.

Enforce Time for Yourself. Don’t heap your plate so that you set yourself up to fail simply because you don’t have the time to do everything that you commit to. Take charge of your calendar and make sure that you allot time for some fun. Vacations are not optional. “I can’t go; I simply have to much work to get done” is not acceptable.

Learn to Relax and Practice it. This will require work for the perfectionists among us. There are a number of ways to learn to relax. Yoga is an excellent relaxation vehicle for those that have time to engage in the process. Prayer or Meditation is likewise excellent if you can physically isolate yourself enough to focus. For the rest of us there is “method relaxation” as I like to call it. There are lots of tapes and scripts available for purchase or if you have a friend who is a Clinical Psychologist, you might ask them to make one for you. The technique involves the process of focusing our thoughts on specific parts of the body and literally causing them to relax. This is a learned behavior and will require regular practice, but once mastered it can be called upon almost anywhere at any time to help relieve the physical manifestations of stress.

I might interject a thought about depression; it goes hand in hand with stress and anxiety and in many cases they are so intertwined as to be initially indistinguishable. One of the key indicators of depression and stress management issues is a sense of isolation where we feel alone with the problem, and we start withdrawing from stuff we used to take for granted (Rotary or Lion’s Club isn’t fun anymore; evenings with friends are just too inconvenient). As a parting thought, if any of this hits close to home, you should pay attention and make a plan to change. The earlier it starts the simpler the process. Remember, we just believe we are alone in this; family, partners, clergy and our friends generally want to help, but we need to take the first step, we need to ask. Lastly, there are professionals out there to help break the cycle and the best place to start is with your family doctor. Remember it is okay to be imperfect and recognizing this simple fact is a great beginning.

Life is good and the practice of law is fun and rewarding. This is where we all should be and I hope these brief and simple thoughts help get us all to the point in our lives where we truly believe it and achieve balance in our lives.